Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
