...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
