TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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