actually, I'm a sock model
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't turn off my feet"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
