I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
birth control should be required to get into college
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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