There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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