38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
