god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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