Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize