we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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