I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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