What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
