you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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