there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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