dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
