honey bunches of taint.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
