dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
