you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
