she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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