Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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