A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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