I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
