My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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