He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
