Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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