so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
