I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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