i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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