she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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