walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
