drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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