yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
