I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
