bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
