Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
