so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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