I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
