so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
