I need to stop coming to work sober
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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