Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
