I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i now understand why vodka
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
