At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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