***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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