..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
