tonight lets celebrate not being married
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
