I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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