ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
