Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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