standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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