all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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