Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
love makes seman taste better
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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