True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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