Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We talked him into tasing himself.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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