The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
