I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize