whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
