you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
