But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
