bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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