my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
