Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
