just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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