I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
