I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
