just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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