hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
